Costume Jewels: Trailer for E!’s The Royals

If you’ve been watching E! during red carpet events this season, you’ve probably seen a trailer or two for their upcoming new scripted series, The Royals. The show is a soap-opera take on a fictional British royal family, starring Elizabeth Hurley and the newly-damed Joan Collins. It promises to be equal parts ridiculous and entertaining — and yeah, I’ll be live-tweeting it whenever possible. Today, let’s have a look at some of the jewelry shown in the show’s trailer, shall we?

The main character of the show is Elizabeth Hurley’s Queen Helena, consort to King Simon. She has clearly been confabbing with her European counterparts, Mathilde and Maxima, regarding Very Big Earrings.

However, she also got the “British queens wear pearls in the daytime” memo for this trip on her fancy private jet. (Clearly these fictional British royals are less worried about austerity and/or carbon footprints than their real-life counterparts.)

Helena’s also apparently not worried about PETA. I’m going to go ahead and assume that, in this British royal universe, she was able to commander one of the Cullinan “chips” for that ring, and that she ordered that knockoff Cartier Tank watch from the Jackie Kennedy jewelry collection on QVC.

More diamonds for daytime, with a necklace that’s reminiscent of the real Queen’s modern fringe, plus a diamond bracelet and earrings like Kate’s Kenneth Jay Lanes (which are not my favorites).

AND THEN we meet Helena’s mother, who is the “Grand Duchess of Oxford.” (Apparently in this alternate universe, Oxford declared independence from the UK and became one of the world’s only remaining grand duchies. Okay, I’ll go with it.) The grand duchess looks to be this show’s answer to Queen Mary, with daytime diamonds and choker necklaces galore. I am intrigued by the brooch.

Next up, we meet Helena’s daughter, Princess Eleanor, whose character seems to be all about any and all forms of rebellion, plus bohemian fringed jewelry.

Helena looks disdainful in her diamonds here because her husband’s just announced that he wants to abolish the monarchy (i.e., the one he is currently reigning in as monarch).

These two are presented, plastic discount store jewelry and all, with no real explanation. Per Wikipedia, I think their names are Princess Penelope and Princess Maribel, and I’m guessing they’re a super mean parody of the York sisters. Come on, show, even the Yorkies wouldn’t do this.

More stern pearl jewelry for Helena, who has added a nice bracelet for expressing consternation at her daughter’s embarrassing activities.

And finally, diamonds and peacock feathers for a day at the races. As One does.

Verdict so far? It’s everything I’d imagine a Dynasty or Gossip Girl version of royal life would be, jewelry-wise. If you’re on Twitter, and you’re ready to enjoy this train-wrecky version of the royal circus, be sure to follow me and join in on the live-tweet of this Sunday night’s premiere! Looks like the official hashtag will be #TheRoyals. See you there!